Dear Lupus,
Lupus I hate you! And not because you are ravaging my body but because you are destroying my children! I am currently in tears because my children are in constant fear that you are going to kill me and I was just served with a quick reminder of this.
My children have still not recovered from the emotional trauma they endured when I had my stroke three years ago. Thanks to you, my non-existing immune system and being on immuno-suppressants, I contracted the dreaded H1N1. A lot of people may think “it’s just the flu” and no big deal, but for me it is. And for my children, it is even a bigger deal. Thank bob, the doctors diagnosed me early enough and I was put on Tamiflu. However, this does not put my children’s fears to rest.
It breaks my heart to no end (after I tried very hard for my oldest to not find out I have H1N1 but due to the lovely thing called the internet, he found out while he was at his dad’s) when I receive the following email from Kid1:
Kid1: um u have the swine flu
Me: yes I do
Kid1: um will u live?…dont lie…
Me: I should live hun. They have me on heavy duty meds to treat it. Try not to worry too much.
I love you
Kid1: no freekin duh im going to worry u have like no immune system and ur my mother..i love u to
Me: Well I should be okay. They were able to get me the medication in time. I just have to rest more than the normal person and have to stay quarantined longer
I should not be having these conversations with my 14 year old! It breaks my heart and I cannot stop crying because of it. Please just go away! I cannot wait for the day when they come closer to approving new medications to shoot you dead. You are ruining my children’s lives. Did I tell you I hate you because of it?
With much loathing,
Jules
(Please read the following post I wrote regardling living with lupus” Putting A Face To Lupus: The Elephant In The Room http://juliasherred.com/blog/2009/07/putting-a-face-to-lupus-the-elephant-in-the-room/ There are other posts regarding lupus as well that you can find in the lupus catagory if you are interested)
