I have been a little crazy lately. Self has even said to me, “Jules, you are a fucking loon right now. Get a hold of yourself before I smack you upside the head!” And I say to self, “I know you are right. I am just crazy right now. It will pass.” I have had a few little number of changes happen the last few months (read a lot of big changes). Some have been positive and some have been not so positive. The not so positives I have been able to see a positive in them. The positives I have seen negatives in as well.
But thank whomever people want to thank whenever they are thankful, I have awesome friends who have been by my side through this process. Some more deep in the trenches than other, but regardless of quantity of time spent while this process of change has been occurring, the quality is the same regardless. Some of these friends have known me for a short time and some of them have known me for years upon years. Some of these friends I have yet to meet face to face but regardless I still consider them to be friends. Because even so we have not had the chance to meet face to face, we have become connected through whatever means and they have been beyond supportive. It could be as simple as a short tweet of encouragement that speaks volumes to the support they have for me or a long e-mail telling me to keep my chin up or an offer to help from a few short kilometers away to 10s of thousands of kilometers away.
Some of theses friends sit on the phone with me and listen for hours while I rant and rave, cry and vent and then remind me why I do what I do to begin with. Some of these friends do the same thing either through IM or hang out with me for hours on Skype and webcam and just goof around with me and allow me to blow off some much needed steam. And they too ask me to repeat out loud why it is that I do and to not let the detractors take away from it. They help me to find my inner strength that they are still able to see when I feel that I am drowning.
Because I have felt like I have been drowning for some time now. I have had many moments as of late where I think “maybe it is best if I just unplug again.” And no sooner am I having one of these thoughts, even if it is not voiced, a friend will do something or say something to me that reminds me that even though there is a lot of shit right now to deal with and I am very uncomfortable with a few situations, to ignore those situations and to breathe. They keep reminding me to remind myself I do things because I enjoy it. They remind me to continue to do things as if no one is watching and if people come for the ride, great!They remind me if people want to be douches, to try my best to ignore it and not let it get to me. Ignoring the douches is proving difficult at times but I think I am starting to find my calm again. They remind that I am not wasting my time because for the most part I do enjoy everything I do in life and to just remember that.
They let me rant. They let me be crazy. They let me cry. They let me doubt myself. They let me question myself. They don’t judge. They offer support. They remind me that I am loved and cared about. And I know that as long as I have my friends, that as long as I have people that care for me and love me, even when I feel that I am sinking or slipping and falling, I will never actually sink, slip or fall.
Awesome friends are awesome.
