Archive for December, 2009

As The Curtain Draws To A Close

December 18th, 2009

I have said before sometimes thank you is not enough. But I am going to try my best to express the flood of thoughts that is going through me at the moment as I prepare for my final Geeky Pleasures radio show tonight.

I was going to do on air thank you however I have been prone to spontaneous eye leakage all day today and I am afraid it will happen tonight while people not only listen, but worse, they watch.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me for the past year and half while I did my thing at Party 934 | 102.5 FM Hudson Valley NY.

Thank you to everyone who not only allowed me to entertain myself but allowed me to entertain you in the process.

Thank you to everyone who has embraced (as one listener put it) my unique brand of geekiness.

Thank you to everyone who laughed at me while I laughed at myself.

Thank you to everyone who supported and allowed me to feel normal at least one day of the week, as normal as a geek/nerd can feel. This is a big one. My radio shows allowed me to have a few hours a week where I could pretend I was doing something productive and meaningful, and I was not living with Lupus (except for the one time I almost fainted during my show). From the bottom of my heart, you will have no idea how much this means to me.

Thank you to all the people behind the scenes who have laughed with me and cried with me while I went through the roller coaster that is my life. Thank you especially to those who just listened. Those that didn’t try to fix it. Those that didn’t try to compare battle wounds. But those who really just listened and allowed me to feel what I was feeling and let it pass when I was ready to let it pass and not when they wanted it to pass. If it were not for your support, I don’t think I would have been able to maintain my normal level of insanity. It would have spiraled into something not as fun.

I hope that sometime (sooner rather than later) I can find a way to make Geeky Pleasures live again in some audio format where we can all come together and geek out in real time with the world. Being able to geek out with people from all over the world in one place and allow the world to listen in is a truly unique and special thing. You are what made it happen. Without your input, without your contributions, without your own unique brand of geekiness it just would not have been as awesome as it was.

Thank you.

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Posted in chronic illness, entertainment, geek, internet, Lupus, media, Party934, personal, radio

So Long, Farwell

December 17th, 2009

Apparently I need to blog about this again as some people seem to have missed the memo. And you know, I think that angers me just a little bit.  Consider this my two week notice to the internet.

Two month ago and without warning due to a lack of funding, I lost a contract that made it possible for me to be online, made this blog possible, made my Geeky Pleasures website possible and made my Geeky Pleasures radio show possible. I am an independent contractor and every single dollar I earn is the difference between keeping a roof over my family’s head and food on the table, and being homeless. The contract was not a huge amount by most people’s standards but it is a devastating amount to my family and me. It is what paid for me to do everything else that you see me do. Because even at the radio station, I am an independent contractor and I did that as a labour of love and not because it made me money. The joys of helping start up a new business venture is that you do not always get paid for the work you do even if it is a legit media outlet.

I would have been offline two month ago if I had not borrowed money (which I still feel sick over as I have never been in debt until now) 1 small design project and a donation that helped pay my bills for this month. And let me tell you, I have hated every moment I have put into all of this ever since. I use to do all of this only for my own amusement. Then people told me that I can’t go offline and they love what I do and it can’t go away etc., etc., etc. Well harm fuzzies does not feed my kids, pay my bills, put a roof over our heads or presents under the Christmas tree. My children do not get to have that part of Christmas this year. If it were not for living in wonderful socialist Canada and the help of a couple of friends and food banks, I would have no food in my cupboards at the moment. If it were not for the fact that I qualify for disability and Canada at least has some decent socialist safety nets, I would be homeless come January 1. I think it would be fair to say that I am resentful at the moment. Not so much at the support and kind words, but at the fact as a result I have become an unpaid, debt laden, dancing monkey.

I even gave people options as to how they could help out if they felt so inclined, if they indeed did really care, and I got nothing but more warm fuzzy words that at the end of the day don’t fix the situation even if they are appreciated.

This past weekend I was able to escape for a few days thanks to a really close friend who decided I needed a change of scenery and I needed to be surrounded by people who really care. He kidnapped me for the weekend and thanks to a visit with another friend, I was able to gain a better perspective on the situation. I told her of something I was doing for someone and she asked, “Are they paying you?” “No”, I replied. Then we got to talking about how people expect me to do all this stuff for them for absolutely nothing. And since we do not live in Gene Roddenberry’s future, I am the one that is getting seriously buggered as a result. Honestly, would you do what I am doing for nothing? Somehow I really doubt it yet you all expect me to do it for nothing and then when I say it is going away, you feel you are entitled to get upset over it. Well you aren’t willing to pay for it so I am no longer willing to provide a service for nothing.

My Geeky Pleasures website hosting is paid up for a couple more month. There is a possibility that I can use my landlord’s internet connection to at least maintain that from time to time. But as for the rest of it, it just is not going to happen as I will have no phone, internet or cable come Jan 1. I am not going to put 40+ hours of my week into what I do with no return except for warm fuzzy feelings from the masses and have my family continue to go without as a result. Maybe sometime in the future the rest of it will be revived but until someone is willing to pay for it to happen, my answer will continue to be “it ends here.” I refuse to be a dancing monkey any longer and have people take advantage of the services I provide.

Happy holidays and have a good 2010.

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Posted in entertainment, family, geek, internet, media, Party934, personal, radio