Apparently I need to blog about this again as some people seem to have missed the memo. And you know, I think that angers me just a little bit. Consider this my two week notice to the internet.
Two month ago and without warning due to a lack of funding, I lost a contract that made it possible for me to be online, made this blog possible, made my Geeky Pleasures website possible and made my Geeky Pleasures radio show possible. I am an independent contractor and every single dollar I earn is the difference between keeping a roof over my family’s head and food on the table, and being homeless. The contract was not a huge amount by most people’s standards but it is a devastating amount to my family and me. It is what paid for me to do everything else that you see me do. Because even at the radio station, I am an independent contractor and I did that as a labour of love and not because it made me money. The joys of helping start up a new business venture is that you do not always get paid for the work you do even if it is a legit media outlet.
I would have been offline two month ago if I had not borrowed money (which I still feel sick over as I have never been in debt until now) 1 small design project and a donation that helped pay my bills for this month. And let me tell you, I have hated every moment I have put into all of this ever since. I use to do all of this only for my own amusement. Then people told me that I can’t go offline and they love what I do and it can’t go away etc., etc., etc. Well harm fuzzies does not feed my kids, pay my bills, put a roof over our heads or presents under the Christmas tree. My children do not get to have that part of Christmas this year. If it were not for living in wonderful socialist Canada and the help of a couple of friends and food banks, I would have no food in my cupboards at the moment. If it were not for the fact that I qualify for disability and Canada at least has some decent socialist safety nets, I would be homeless come January 1. I think it would be fair to say that I am resentful at the moment. Not so much at the support and kind words, but at the fact as a result I have become an unpaid, debt laden, dancing monkey.
I even gave people options as to how they could help out if they felt so inclined, if they indeed did really care, and I got nothing but more warm fuzzy words that at the end of the day don’t fix the situation even if they are appreciated.
This past weekend I was able to escape for a few days thanks to a really close friend who decided I needed a change of scenery and I needed to be surrounded by people who really care. He kidnapped me for the weekend and thanks to a visit with another friend, I was able to gain a better perspective on the situation. I told her of something I was doing for someone and she asked, “Are they paying you?” “No”, I replied. Then we got to talking about how people expect me to do all this stuff for them for absolutely nothing. And since we do not live in Gene Roddenberry’s future, I am the one that is getting seriously buggered as a result. Honestly, would you do what I am doing for nothing? Somehow I really doubt it yet you all expect me to do it for nothing and then when I say it is going away, you feel you are entitled to get upset over it. Well you aren’t willing to pay for it so I am no longer willing to provide a service for nothing.
My Geeky Pleasures website hosting is paid up for a couple more month. There is a possibility that I can use my landlord’s internet connection to at least maintain that from time to time. But as for the rest of it, it just is not going to happen as I will have no phone, internet or cable come Jan 1. I am not going to put 40+ hours of my week into what I do with no return except for warm fuzzy feelings from the masses and have my family continue to go without as a result. Maybe sometime in the future the rest of it will be revived but until someone is willing to pay for it to happen, my answer will continue to be “it ends here.” I refuse to be a dancing monkey any longer and have people take advantage of the services I provide.
Happy holidays and have a good 2010.