I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Despite being busier than I have in a very long time, I find my mind drifting off, as I mechanically go through the necessary tasks of each day.
Writing this blog is a bit premature, as it will lack a little bit of background. This background (for those who are unfamiliar) will be in my article for the January edition of The Lupus Magazine. I will say this has been yet another year in my life where I have had to reinvent myself (some of the other times are described in January’s article). I’ve had to take sizable setbacks and disadvantages and try my best to turn them into something positive.
When 2010 started, I had no idea what I was going to do with my future. I had just finished what I thought would be my last broadcast. I had tried my best to remain optimistic, that another radio opportunity was just around the corner. But as the months passed, nothing was on the horizon. I had lost every luxury (cable, internet connection and telephone). If it were not for my landlady, I would not have been online at all passed March. If it were not for a couple of donations on Geeky Pleasures, that website and this blog would have gone dead in March, as I could no longer afford even the 10 dollars a month for hosting.
Then slowly, things started to improve. Extremely slowly. Painfully so. And not only did I spend 2010 fighting off financial ruin, but I spent almost the entire year experiencing one of the worst Lupus flares I have had in years. I was extremely worried that more organ failure, or worse, another stroke was just around the corner. I think I did a very good job hiding that fear, even so I did allow the stabby to be public now and then.
In July, every thing was in threat of going dark, yet again, including my newest project The Lupus Awareness Virtual Art Gallery, launched World Lupus Day 2010. But thanks to Will Bradley and a fabulous offer to sponsor my hosting, every thing stayed online and I was able to keep fighting and attempt to build a new life and career for myself, all the while fighting off what felt like death waiting just around the corner.
By the end of the year, my health FINALLY started to improve, plus opportunities were finally starting to present themselves. Now I end this year running my three websites, contributing to two others, writing for a magazine, being the layout and design editor of another, plus building a brand new radio station with a more than amazing staff. I’m far from in a stable financial situation again as most of this is a labour of love. But I am much better off, physically and emotionally, than I was at the beginning of this year. It will take a few more events before I’m finally able to breathe again, as far as finances are concerned (regular paying sponsors/advertisers for Geeky Pleasures would be more than fantabulous) but I am not starting 2011 with dread and not knowing how I’ll manage to feed and clothe my children, never mind put a roof over their heads.
Most importantly, I have made some amazing friendships this year, thanks to this wonderful thing called the internet. Plus, I’m in a pretty groovy relationship, which brings me a lot of inner calm and helps me to find my center when I’m having moments of OCD/ Aspie Spiraling /Twitchy Brain/ Toaster/ FUCK THIS SHIT! Without all of you, rebuilding my life, yet again, would have been extremely difficult. The last few times I went through periods like this, I had no supports, neither physical nor emotional, and it nearly broke me both mentally and emotionally. I still may not have the physical supports I need to get through the nasty lupus periods, but all of your emotional support has meant the Universe to me.
Thanks for travelling from the mundane to the insane with me. Thanks for deciding to join me in another year of this wonderful journey, without a destination.
<3 <3 <3