I told myself two hours ago that I was going to turn off my brain and stop working. My brain had other ideas. I had also told myself that this week I would blog about something not radio station related. (By the way, if you haven’t heard the news yet, the station’s website is now live and we’re hiring.) However, my brain can be a real brat at times. To get it to shut up, I decided to listen to music and start formulated Auto-DJ playlists.
I opened up my music player, put it on shuffle and began the process of created playlists and thinking more about the format of my shows. Third song in, this began to play (if you are viewing this in an RSS reader, you may need to visit the site to listen):
A little bit of back story. Right before my final Geeky Pleasures’ broadcast, Antonio emailed me this audio file and asked me to play it during my show. I had no time to listen to it prior. Let’s just say, I broke down in tears, live on camera for my audience to see. It has almost been one year (December 18, 2009) since my final broadcast and the curtain came to a close. Interesting thing, Antonio was one of the first people I hired for The Force 925. I had completely forgotten about his comment about us being together again. I think the timing of it all is pretty neat. It may have taken a year to rebuild my dream but it is done.
I really needed to hear this tonight. My week has been hell; from learning that someone took our original domain name (as well as other just really malicious acts), to being a week behind schedule, to too many things that I care to mention because I’m sure to break down into tears of frustration once again. For the most part, this job is awesome. However, there are certain really not awesome parts of it that tend to hugely overshadow the positives. The above really helped remind me of why it is that I do what I do.
I may not always like people. Not because I don’t actually like people, I care for people very deeply. I just don’t “get” them, even if I can logically dissect how they’ve reached certain states of mind and emotion. They may baffle me beyond comprehension as I find their reactions to some things bizarre. More often than not, I may feel quiet alien and as if I don’t belong among the normals. And as I do come to emotion from a very different spot than most people, this makes remaining not frustrated and being comfortable around people difficult. However, aside from the creative gratification I get from doing this job, there is the gratification of making some form of weird difference and helping people.
Somehow, I manage to create a family atmosphere among my staff members. I end up being the mix of mother, friend, camp counsellor, staff psychologist, mediator, shoulder to cry on, plus more, in addition to wearing the boss lady hat. And like all families, there are fights, squabbles, moments of wanting to smack each other and tell each other off. But it doesn’t mean that we don’t care for each other and don’t want the best for each other. Stumbling upon this audio file reminded me of that.
It reminded me, that despite some people not wanting me to succeed, what I do matters. And now, instead of crying tears of frustration, I’m shedding tears of happy remembrance, tears as a result of struggling for a very long year, tears of relief, some tears of grief over things left behind and tears of “Thank Bob!”
Thanks for taking this trip down memory lane with me.