In Which I Give Up A Variety of Profanities for 46 Days

March 8th, 2011 by Jules Leave a reply »

So it almost that time of the year, once again. That time where I give something up for 46 days as a test of will-power. Some people call this time of year Lent. And so do I. However, for me it has less to do with religion and more to do with “can I do this?”

I should warn you now, there will be a lot of NSFW language in this post.

If you were around these parts last year, you may remember that I gave up innuendo and double-entendre. If you were not around these parts, you can read the result of that extremely long 46 days here. I even got a song out of the deal! Denise said I may even get a song out of the deal again. SQUEE!

If you follow me on the Twitters, then you already know what I am giving up this year. If you do not follow me on the Twitters, in a nutshell, I’m giving up: bollocks, balls, cunts, twats, bitches, assholes, buggering, sodding, fucking, wanking, shitting, merde, and crapping. As I said on Twitter, it sounds as if I’m giving up sex again. Not really. I’m just giving up swearing. And it isn’t “just”. This is going to be bloody difficult!

I had asked on Twitter if blaspheming would be considering swearing, as I do drop “Bloody Hell!” quite often. The poll came back and told me that blaspheming would not be considered swearing. Which relieves me greatly, even so “Bloody Hell!” and “Awh Hell!” is about the only blaspheming I do.

So effective March 9, 2011 at 12:01 AM PST until April 23, 2011 at 12:01 AM PDT, if you hear or read the following from me, it means I have failed and you must spank my bacon (but I’d probably enjoy that):

  • Bollocks
  • Balls
  • Sod
  • Sodding
  • Sod off
  • Bugger
  • Buggering
  • Bugger off
  • Fuck
  • Fucker
  • Fucking
  • Fuck off
  • Shit
  • Shitting
  • Crap
  • Crapping
  • Wanker
  • Bitching
  • Bitch(es)
  • Ashole(s)
  • Twat(s)
  • Cunt(s)
  • Merde (even so I was allowed to get away with in school because it isn’t considering to be any different than saying “shoot”, ruling was that if I were to say “merde”, well… my intent would be to say “shit” and I’m just trying to play foul)
  • Or any combination of the above, i.e. “mother fucking cunty ass”

Arse and jackass, however, I am deeming to be okay as arse I mean my buttocks or someone else’s buttocks and a jackass is a donkey. If I have to give up arse, then I’d have to give up penis, vagina and testicles… I’m not giving up penis and testicles when I’m already giving up buggering and a bunch of other things. Vagina… well that is a whole other topic. But I suppose that means I can’t say “ass” or “asshat”.

I have a really terrible feeling that I’m forgetting some swears that I should not be saying. A list was suppose to be constructed for me but shit happened, such as my websites getting repeatedly hacked, power supplies dying, USB ports not being recognised, people dying and the list kinda fell by the wayside.

If you think of anything that would classify as a swear, please feel free to leave them in the comments and I can make a final decision, including them in my list if necessary.

What the fuck have I decided to get myself into?!? I think I have a real problem here. I’m in competition with myself and as a result, each year I attempt something more difficult. My brain is currently saying, “Bugger me!! What the bloody hell are you going to put me through next year?!”

When it comes to type, not swearing will be a wee bit easier as I can look before I hit enter (cos initially I don’t really think about what I’m typing). Speaking, this is going to suck balls, especially as the swear is out before I even think about it. This is going to be especially difficult when doing interviews or making appearances on certain political talk shows, speaking to my staff and staff meetings, never mind every day normal conversation. I think I’ve only managed 1 or 2 swear free verbal engagements.

So, I suppose this is where I ask you wankers to wish me luck. You aren’t really wankers. I’m just trying to get it out of my system, while I can.

Let the games begin!