I’m the person who has a hard time with rhetorics. I’m the person who is honest to a fault. The ability to be dishonest is something I need to work on. (Not really. I’m proud of my brutal honesty.) I’m the person who saw a video on Facebook, almost shared it, but was going to add “There is no way she accepted millions of friends requests! Sure she may have received millions, but you can only have so many thousand friends.” But then my brain quickly stopped me. Because the message of the video was to be careful of what person information you share and if you are going to accept strangers on Facebook, make sure your home address is not listed. (The video was about some girl who was brutally raped and murdered after adding the wrong person on Facebook). If I had posted my automatic, “Well that is just not possible and it is a complete over-exaggeration” literal/ skeptical/ critical/ scientific thoughts, I would have come off as cold-hearted and unfeeling. The message of the video was quite valid, but the way my brain works, it automatically goes to the logic of the situation and not the feeling and/or intent. And there was another instance where a comment was left somewhere and my first reaction was to correct a timezone remark. I suppose no harm is done by miscalculating 1 hour. I’ve had to stop reading the comments on that blog because my brain keeps screaming, “That is incorrect!” But then I’d come off as a know-it-all (which isn’t my intent), instead of some person who’s brain works in very peculiar ways. (I swear, I’ll get to the Setec Astronomy soon).

Another suggestion to help me uncork some of my need to share but not quite knowing how to go about it or what to write, was to write about gay rights. Well, I want to. But I am conflicted. In order for me to write about my views on gay rights beyond just saying “I believe they should have equal rights and that is that”, I’d have to talk about religion and my religious upbringing. Yeah… I don’t talk about religion in public. But under the circumstances it may not be a bad thing as it was my church who taught me gays should have equal rights. Whodda thunk? Organized religion being supportive of gays? Some may say, “Only in Canada.” So maybe I will write that post. I just need to ponder it a bit more.

Where was I going with this post? Oh yeah… I have some super awesometastic sooper sekrit things happening right now. I’ve told my Alfred. (Now, that is code! But in a way it isn’t as some know of whom I am talking and if you’ve read my blog long enough, he’s been mentioned before.) And after I’ve shared my moments of squee with him, he is nice enough to put on his logic hat and ask, “Jules, are you getting paid for this?” To which I sigh and respond, “No.” To which he sighs and responds, “Jules…” To which I smile, attempt to contain the giddy and say, “I know. I’ve thought the same things you are thinking. BUT this is giving me more exposure. I get to have a voice outside of my own content. It will give (insert things here) more exposure and awareness. It will give me more credibility. It is for a cause that is near and dear to me (or it is something I quite enjoy, brings me pleasure to participate in and makes me happy). And with all the extra, unsolicited exposure and writing opportunities, hopefully it leads to something paying soon. Because we both know, I really need the money. And even so when I started on all of this just over a year ago, money was the furthest thing from my mind, I am in desperate need of it right now. I’ve thought this through. I know I’ve said a million times that the next time someone asks me to create for them, I’ll ask them ‘How much?’ But these are really special circumstances.” And then he agrees (even so I’m sure he is still shaking his head on the inside but he is very nice and supportive and only wants what is best for me) and says, “That is really groovy! I’m happy for you.” And that is when I cannot contain my happy any longer and exclaim, “ISN’T IT THOUGH?!? This is so totally awesome! I can’t wait until I can share it with every one!”

And I really can’t. It is bloody KILLING me! So, I think I’ve come up with a happy compromise. Hopefully this will accomplish a few things. 1) I can release some of my SQUEE pressure that has left me feeling as if I am drowning and being suffocated by a whirlpool of ecstatic (if that is possible). 2) I don’t divulge the things I really cannot right now. If I were to divulge them, I think future possibilities will turn from many to zero in short order. Yet, I divulge enough for others to be happy for me (even so I think you’ll want to kill me at the same time for a variety of reasons). 3) Fill you in on some things that I feel are safe to share since they have been discussed (even so mostly quietly) on Twitter and other places online. And we all know, once it is online it really isn’t a secret anymore. 4) I don’t come off as some self-promoting, pompous asshat.  I’m afraid some of this may teeter on the edge of name dropping and name dropping isn’t all that kosher. Hopefully I can find a balance here that works for everyone.

So, without further ado:

Secrets That Aren’t Really Secrets: (click on clips below to visit the sites that I mention)

1) There is this awesome site/ service/ blogging tool call clp.ly. I’ve been part of the beta since it first launched. I’m affectionately known as “The Number 1 customer.” I adore them (both the people who work there and the service). And it is safe to say, they adore me. They used my site to demo their service at a tech conference thing a few weeks ago. It felt so unbelievable cool when they asked my permission to use Geeky Pleasures for their demo (and that same day, I awarded their service Geek of the Week). They’ve used Geeky Pleasures in a number of blog posts and were nice enough to feature it prominently on their press page. All of this I’ve shared via Twitter and Facebook but what I haven’t share yet – I was asked if I wanted to be a guest blogger. I said I’d love to. Now I just have to figure out what the hell it is I’m going to write!

If you do any type of blogging and content sharing, then I highly recommend you check out clp.ly.

Now moving on.

2) There is this site. It is still in its infancy. It is dedicated to one of the greatest nerd/geek fights of all time: Which is better: Star Wars or Star Trek? I also featured this site for Geek of the Week. I’ve gotten to know both creators through various different things.

Well, I was asked if I wanted to write for the site from time to time. Are you kidding? Writing about why Star Trek is so much better than Star Wars? Being able to have epic debates, not having to worry about language, throwing it down like never before? Of course! And I can see some people who read this taking a bit of an issue (especially some family members). Especially as I’m helping someone out and for nothing.

However, how can I turn down another space to write about things that cause me to have juicy geekasms? And besides, I want to help them out. If someone didn’t give me a hand when I was a nobody Program Director with a radio show called Geeky Pleasures, I wouldn’t have had the moderate success that I have been able to enjoy over the past little bit. And here is the thing, when those people did what they did for me, it wasn’t because I was seeking any type of “fame”. I just wanted to geek out and have fun. I had no expectations for anything. And the same goes for this. They asked me because they thought it would be fun for me and not to get themselves further ahead. Now, the results may end up being something quite different.

Oh, and they’ll be interviewing me for something. It will be quite unlike anything I’ve ever done before or they’ve done before. There will be some things that are quite familiar (like geeking out over things) but… well… you’ll just have to wait and see.

I think that is it for the things that are secret but not really which I feel are safe to share.

Sooper Sekrit Things

I’ll try to keep this short and sweet. (I realize I am now over 1600 words. I thought this was going to be a short blog when I started. Go figure.)

1) I wrote a review a little while ago. (Sorry, I can’t tell you what review I’m speaking to, otherwise it may totally blow the secret). I was asked my permission for it to be used for something that really is beyond amazing and feature it in a way that… well… to put it plainly… I was so very humbled and touched that they want to use it and for this purpose. I responded to the email with, “Quote whatever you want”, but what I really wanted to say was, “FUCK YES!” And tears formed in my eyes, my soul was touched and I was deeply humbled.

2, 3, 4) The Lupus Awareness Virtual Art Gallery is going to get some really nice press. I emailed some place asking if they’d feature the October project in their next issue. They said they would be more than happy to. They said they were very happy I contacted them. They had read my review of Love Simple and listened to my interview with Patrizia Hernandez and are very happy that I made contact with them. This led to them asking me if I wouldn’t mind writing for their magazine. (Before you ask, as I stated above… the answer is no.) SQUEE! Of course! Be able to write about Lupus to a more focused audience… I’d be crazy to say no. Then this subsequently led to my book also being featured.

(Seeing as their are a number of Lupus related magazines and such, I feel it safe to disclose this much information. This is really completely awesome. I’m not sure if you can truly comprehend how much it means to me that my voice is one they want to hear and feel others will want to hear as well. In the next few days, after the press release goes out, I can say for what magazine.)

Oh man, there is more. There is so much more. But I think this is the extent of what I can safely share at this moment in time. Sure, none of it is paying monetarily but what it is paying in other ways more than compensates. And all of these things are building blocks. All of these have the potential to lead to bigger things. All of these allow me to use my various voices. And maybe, just maybe, next time someone asks me to write, it will be a paying job. Because we all know, I’m in desperate need at the moment.

Thanks once again for sharing with me my moments of squee.

Last night, The Hoff somehow came up in conversation. I decided to share some of my most favourite cheesy Hoff music videos with Kid2. And he loved them almost as much as I do. It was a pretty fun thing to share with him. It was nice to see him share the same enthusiasm that I do for things that are just a little bit off. I keep trying to figure out if I am a bad influence or a good influence on my children as I expose them to things children normally have to come upon on their own or that in “normal” households, they cannot share the joy with their parents. I thought it would be awhile before an equally awesome event would take place. And then earlier today, was The Awesome Hour.

Wil Wheaton is currently at the Phoenix Comic Con. He has this thing that he does at conventions called The Awesome Hour. He blogged about it yesterday and I called him a tease for not sharing with his readers the epiphany he had come up with that would later become The Awesome Hour. Then today, just as it was about to start, he tweeted that it would be streamed live over this thing called the internets. This made a happy Jules a very happy Jules indeed.

Just as it was starting, Kid2 came whizzing into the house (as he does) with a quick “Hi!” and “Bye! Going to go whiz through Splinter Cell again!” Then this streak of a child went flashing down the corridor. I called out, “Hey! You! Not so fast! Wil is speaking. Do you want to come and listen with me?” He replied with, “I’ve heard Wil speak, mom. Maybe another time”, as he began to turn to make his exit. Before he could get a quarter of the way there, I informed him that Wil is currently speaking live at a convention and we can listen to it live! Online! We don’t even have to leave the comfort of being pantless to attend a convention that is 2620.012 km away! He found this idea to be pretty intriguing and pulled up a chair beside me. (Isn’t living in the future awesome!)

Near the beginning of his talk, Wil was speaking about the Atari 2600. Holy jumping jellybeans! If only you could see Kid2′s face as it lit up as Wil spoke about gaming. And to make it even more awesome, about gaming from the 80s. Kid2 loves the 80s. There are times I think he knows more about the 80s than I do and I grew up in the them. Kid2 wasn’t even a glimmer in his dad’s eye at that time. It really was this super cool thing to watch as Kid2′s face was pointing towards me. However, he was looking passed me as he cocked his left ear to listen ever so intently to the words Wil spoke.

As Kid2 looks passed me, I found myself staring back at him while the tones of Wil’s voice faded into the background. I watched the sparkle in his eyes, his mouth curl with half smiles. I watched him fist pump the air, only to be jostled back into reality when Kid2 would exclaim, “O.M.G! MOM! This is freaking rad!” and I would have turn my ear back to what was being said so that I could comment and have a geeky conversation with my son. We laughed at how Wil has thrown around “that’s what she said” with his boys, as it is a common occurrence in this house. We had discussions about all the games Wil mentioned as they are some of Kid2′s favourites. We talked about how Wil’s kids are weird since they would tell Wil he’s weird when really he isn’t (clarification: my children call me weird all the time. But in this house it is a compliment as my boys think I am pretty damn cool). I smiled every time Kid2 would comment about how similar Wil and I are.

That actually use to be a running joke with my ex. I would say something or talk about something, only for Wil to tweet almost the exact same thing or blog about it shortly afterwards. He would joke that Wil and I were long lost twins even so we are 3.5 years apart. Something about a tear in the space-time continuum messing with when I came into existence as you hear and see me now. And this is the major reason why I enjoy Wil the way I do. Not because of some silly crush that formed when I was 10. But because we are the same “people”.

Our lives developed very similarly. An example of that is when he was 25ish he had two boys, the oldest being 5ish. When I was 25ish, I had to two boys, my oldest being 5. We also share A LOT of the same geeky/nerdy obsessions. We have the same warped sense of humour. And we are basically the same age. Even so I didn’t literally grow up with him in the sense where we grew up as friends and hanging out etc, I did grow up with him and he was the first geeky person for me to be acquainted with in some manner. It was nice having someone similar to me having the same experiences I would have but a couple years before me so that I knew what was to come.

So, of course it makes me happy that he is one of the people Kid2 looks up to. When I was Kid2′s age, I was the lone geek/nerd. I wasn’t teased for it by my peers. They always seemed to just accept it. But I had no one to really look up to or to relate with. I had no models in the media to let me know that it was cool and okay. I had to tread these waters alone. It wasn’t until adulthood and the internets that I was able to find my tribe and by that time, I was too old for role models.

And even so I think my boys have a pretty cool geeky role model in me, it comforts me that they get to have role models outside of me. They were born into this geeky family which my generation had to go through a lot of teasing and pain to create and have it be accepted. It makes me smile with a stupid grin that my once childhood crush is now one of Kid2′s biggest role models. (Don’t tell Wil. He gets a little self-conscious when he has to think about these things.)

The Awesome Hour was almost over and Kid2 decided he didn’t want to listen to anymore of the Q&A and really needed to tear through Splinter Cell for like the billionth time. He went into the living room and played his game. But every now and then I would hear a big cheer as Wil would mention things such as, people who think girls shouldn’t like these things are stupid. There was an even louder cheer (and I swear I heard a fist pump) when Wil said geek girls are hawt (and a “Mom, Wil thinks you’re hawt! They don’t get much geekier than you, mom!). And an “all right!” when Wil said he was left handed (Kid2, even so he is ambi, decides to use his left more than his right).

I have to say The Awesome Hour was pretty damn awesome. And not because of what Wil had to say (don’t get me wrong he is a great speaker and very funny) but because I got to geekasm with my 11 year old son. We may have been geekasming over different things, as our heads were in different places, but I cannot think of a better way to spend time with my son. Thank you, internets. Thank you, future. Thank you, Wil.

Okay, a bit of a back story. Lent just ended. And I do something every year for Lent. Not because a church tells me too, but for my own spiritual needs. Some of the hardest Lents included the year I gave up chocolate. Another hard Lent was the year I gave up sex. This year I gave up innuendo and double-entendre. I could still talk technically about sex but nothing that could fall under “that what s/he said!” I have to say this was harder than the years I gave up chocolate and sex, combined.

Once Lent was over, I had a huge release as I tweeted the following:

WOOT! It is Easter! Time to celebrate a guy who was nail with wood, rose to the occasions and came 3 days later. May he come again.

Lent was long and hard. It tried to beat me. But like a trooper, I rode it for 1104 hours right till the very end. I came through it like a champ. I would like to thank everyone for making it a group event. Everyone who watched and participated. It would not have been nearly as enjoyable had you not all played your part. Thank you.

Man, that release was soooooooooooo good.

And then shortly after:

OH: He has come close to spilling a few times but there were always warnings. This time it just came without warning.

But here is the really awesome part. There is this really cool lady. Her name is Denise Hudson (@RangerDenni). I got to know her through Song Fu and TMA. She told me she was going to write me a song as a reward for Lent. And it is seriously bloody brilliant! And to make it very fitting, she had the amazing and wonderful Joe ‘Covenant’ Lamb (@JoeCovenant) be a part of it. Joe was my #1 temptation during Lent. And I even co-wrote part of it! She included a limerick that I wrote about Joe one day during a JoeCast! And she included so many “me” things and inside jokes in it. It really is just brilliant and I can’t stop squee’ing! I am including it for your listening pleasure. I can’t stop smiling!

In Which Jules Rejoins Us With Her Bad Self – Denise Hudson ft Joe ‘Covenant’ Lamb and special guest

(featuring Joe “Covenant” Lamb & special guest)

Happy Easter to Julia Sherred
Who handcuffed herself to the bed
of denial and sacrifice
till April third at midnight
counting the sec’s(!) till the END!

Now Jules made a promise to God
or to Great Aunty Maude
or The Spaghetti Monster or to Bob or whoever you like
the point was she would strike
from her mind all the semblance of bawd

Now Jules is the queen of things geeky
But the boys and the girls they are quite cheeky
tempting lively young Jules
to PM with her rules
and I wondered if she’d go get freaky

Innuendo was filling her eyes
She looked desperately to the skies
Praying Polly’d send rain
to cool off her pain
“That’s What She Said’s” were swarming like flies

[interlude consisting of a blended array of samples from the hysterical Count video that made me pee on myself, that Mystic Cat thing, and a certain song from our pre-teen years that Joe overplays at casts that he thinks gets women in their thirties all misted up… and which I play in a motet like fashion on period instruments fashioned from various VSTs]

What could keep poor Jules afloat?
Could a stirring bridge be a lifeboat?
Because just screaming “LENT”
isn’t paying the rent
and so on an unrelated note …

[Enter Joe]

“Now just because Den is the author of this
And the words have come out of her head
There’s a big control freak
In this Queen of the Geek
So here’s words from Dear Ms. Sherred”

{ENTER LYRICS BY JULIA SHERRED, which Joe feels necessary to change and stuff, because he’s annoying}

There once was a guy named Joe
Whom I think everybody should know
He banged on his bodhran
All the while he sang
And Joecast is the name of his show

REPEAT IN A ROUSING ROUND:

There once was a guy named Joe
Whom I think everyone should know
He banged on his bodhran
All the while he sang
And Joecast is the name of his show

Jules will go into Joecast
And I think we will all have a blast
As she lays down some smack
That’ll give heart attack
Cuz we’ve all seen how long SHE can last ….

The TMA Podcast was WIN!
You could not be derailed by your friends
Not even passiontide
could pull you aside
As you pushed all the way through the end …

So praise be to the Holies on High
And his hotness Sir Optimus Prime!
As you’ve reached the apex
You can talk about sex
In whichever which way you can find

Since I cannot mail you a taco
down the hall to the headmasters we’ll go
Every slip of the tongue
In our orgy of fun
TMA smacks for chat innuendo

So cheers to a successful lent
We imagine you’re feeling quite spent
May the gal from BC
Give an orgasmic squee!!!!!!!!!
You did it! You did it!

….. #andedric

1) Set up the chess board as normal.

2) Grab your d12.

3) Rolling the die determines the number of spaces your chess piece can move up, diagonally or backwards.

4) If an opponent is in front, diagonally or behind you, you can attack.

5) If an opponent is directly beside you in any direction, you can kill them without having to move at the beginning of your turn.

6) If you are advancing, you can only advance as far as another team piece. Exception is the Knight, which can jump over other pieces as it advances on the board.

Last team standing wins.

So there it is. Pretty simple I think. It may sound like a stupid game to some, however I find it awesome that my 10 year decided to take one of his favourite games (chess), grab a die and create something new with it.

You know what, I will be the first to admit that as a group of people, we can be an odd bunch. We like to argue the minutia of pretty much any subject that is the object of our obsessions and compulsions. We like to dress up in funny costumes and attend conventions where we unleash our geekiosity upon an unwitting city. We are a very passionate bunch of people and we will allow our passions to be spilled upon any poor unsuspecting person if given the opportunity. We may not always be the most socially graceful people but we have heart and we care deeply. We are willing to stand behind our beliefs despite rampant criticism from our peers.

But I want you to think about that for one minute. How are we any different from the “jocks” who attend their favourite sporting event dressed in team colours and faces painted, screaming and hollering from the stands? How are we any different than that same group of people spending hours debating over the merits of The White Sox vs. The Yankees? How are we any different than any group of people who attend any event in support of whatever it is that gives them that boost of adrenaline.

Ebert made mention of messy pigs. Have you looked into a frat house or looked in the home of the bachelor jock with their beer cans, pizza and take-out boxes, piles of clothes and miscellaneous debris all over the place? The geeks/nerds I know are way more obsessed with order and cleanliness that any other group of people I know. Maybe their gaming areas are not always the tidiest and I know that my desk always looks like it has exploded but I do not know of too many creative types where their creative space is not a complete hazard.

Apparently we smell too. That is a stereotype that really bothers me because again the group that seems to hate us the most (the jocks) have the exact same issue. Especially when it is down to play-off time and they wear their same lucky jersey for weeks on end without washing because it will ruin the luck. And let us not forget about the gross and disgusting play-off beard-o-luck. I have met some pretty stinky gamers in my time. There is no denying that but I will deny that the image of the lone gamer in his/her mother’s basement is far from the norm. It is a very unfortunate negative stereotype.

And now for screaming at the PC. Are you trying to tell me that is not a common occurrence? Because let me tell you something, it is no different than the testosterone-filled group massed together in the living room or bar, hooting and hollering over every single little thing that happens during their all-worshipful game. Are you trying to tell me that because it is being done in a pack it is more acceptable or are you telling me that because it is coming from the “cool kids” you are willing to overlook this same behavior?

Now let me tell you something about geeks/nerds/gamers. There seems to be a lot of press about violence and us. And the odd occasion that it does happen, it is shameful. But our instances of violence are not nearly as prevalent as one would like to believe. I will admit, we can be huge assholes to each other online. We have been known to troll the internet just waiting for the opportunity to allow our words on the screen to cause someone else to cry. We have been known to rage quit and some are even known to get a sick perverted sense of satisfaction when they know they are the cause of this rage quit.  But I do not think I have ever heard of a group of us destroying a city when our team has lost. I do not think I have ever heard of us ever getting into physical fights with someone in a bar or in our homes while we are drunk and someone says some stupid shit about our team. As a general rule, we are a very non-violent group of people who just like to anonymously run their mouths from time to time. It bothers me that you never hear about the dude who beat up his wife or the kid who went on a shooting rampage after watching a movie, reading a book, looking at a picture, attended or watched a sporting event (many more examples can be put here) but music and gaming seem to be two of life’s awesome things that like to get singled out because of agenda and not because it is the real cause.

I have nothing against jocks. The only reason I am using them here is because that is the group that is stereotypically pitted against the nerds. And this is one stereotype that does have a good basis of fact behind it unlike the stereotypes that people like Roger Ebert like to fart out of their asses and post on Twitter. When the reality is, if it were not for us geeks/nerds/gamers Roger Ebert wouldn’t be able to fart anything onto Twitter again because guess what, we invented the thing! All of these awesome technological things that people use without a second thought (computers, cell phones, social networking, blogs, intertubes, games, technology to create movies which Ebert makes his life from, engines, microchips, television, bridges, buildings, space shuttles, telescopes, sound mixers, etc., etc., etc.,), none of it would be available if it were not for us. Pretty much every job and every single person’s sources of entertainment would not exist if it were not for some geek spending hours dreaming of how to make something work. I think maybe the only exception to this would be painting as it does not require some type of mechanical device to do.

So Mr. Ebert maybe you want to think about that next time you decide to spew ignorance on the internet. We made it possible for you to still have a voice. You should be thanking us for all that we have given you because without us, you would have no way to hand out your venom.

I was going to do on air thank you however I have been prone to spontaneous eye leakage all day today and I am afraid it will happen tonight while people not only listen, but worse, they watch.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me for the past year and half while I did my thing at Party 934 | 102.5 FM Hudson Valley NY.

Thank you to everyone who not only allowed me to entertain myself but allowed me to entertain you in the process.

Thank you to everyone who has embraced (as one listener put it) my unique brand of geekiness.

Thank you to everyone who laughed at me while I laughed at myself.

Thank you to everyone who supported and allowed me to feel normal at least one day of the week, as normal as a geek/nerd can feel. This is a big one. My radio shows allowed me to have a few hours a week where I could pretend I was doing something productive and meaningful, and I was not living with Lupus (except for the one time I almost fainted during my show). From the bottom of my heart, you will have no idea how much this means to me.

Thank you to all the people behind the scenes who have laughed with me and cried with me while I went through the roller coaster that is my life. Thank you especially to those who just listened. Those that didn’t try to fix it. Those that didn’t try to compare battle wounds. But those who really just listened and allowed me to feel what I was feeling and let it pass when I was ready to let it pass and not when they wanted it to pass. If it were not for your support, I don’t think I would have been able to maintain my normal level of insanity. It would have spiraled into something not as fun.

I hope that sometime (sooner rather than later) I can find a way to make Geeky Pleasures live again in some audio format where we can all come together and geek out in real time with the world. Being able to geek out with people from all over the world in one place and allow the world to listen in is a truly unique and special thing. You are what made it happen. Without your input, without your contributions, without your own unique brand of geekiness it just would not have been as awesome as it was.

Thank you.

Two month ago and without warning due to a lack of funding, I lost a contract that made it possible for me to be online, made this blog possible, made my Geeky Pleasures website possible and made my Geeky Pleasures radio show possible. I am an independent contractor and every single dollar I earn is the difference between keeping a roof over my family’s head and food on the table, and being homeless. The contract was not a huge amount by most people’s standards but it is a devastating amount to my family and me. It is what paid for me to do everything else that you see me do. Because even at the radio station, I am an independent contractor and I did that as a labour of love and not because it made me money. The joys of helping start up a new business venture is that you do not always get paid for the work you do even if it is a legit media outlet.

I would have been offline two month ago if I had not borrowed money (which I still feel sick over as I have never been in debt until now) 1 small design project and a donation that helped pay my bills for this month. And let me tell you, I have hated every moment I have put into all of this ever since. I use to do all of this only for my own amusement. Then people told me that I can’t go offline and they love what I do and it can’t go away etc., etc., etc. Well harm fuzzies does not feed my kids, pay my bills, put a roof over our heads or presents under the Christmas tree. My children do not get to have that part of Christmas this year. If it were not for living in wonderful socialist Canada and the help of a couple of friends and food banks, I would have no food in my cupboards at the moment. If it were not for the fact that I qualify for disability and Canada at least has some decent socialist safety nets, I would be homeless come January 1. I think it would be fair to say that I am resentful at the moment. Not so much at the support and kind words, but at the fact as a result I have become an unpaid, debt laden, dancing monkey.

I even gave people options as to how they could help out if they felt so inclined, if they indeed did really care, and I got nothing but more warm fuzzy words that at the end of the day don’t fix the situation even if they are appreciated.

This past weekend I was able to escape for a few days thanks to a really close friend who decided I needed a change of scenery and I needed to be surrounded by people who really care. He kidnapped me for the weekend and thanks to a visit with another friend, I was able to gain a better perspective on the situation. I told her of something I was doing for someone and she asked, “Are they paying you?” “No”, I replied. Then we got to talking about how people expect me to do all this stuff for them for absolutely nothing. And since we do not live in Gene Roddenberry’s future, I am the one that is getting seriously buggered as a result. Honestly, would you do what I am doing for nothing? Somehow I really doubt it yet you all expect me to do it for nothing and then when I say it is going away, you feel you are entitled to get upset over it. Well you aren’t willing to pay for it so I am no longer willing to provide a service for nothing.

My Geeky Pleasures website hosting is paid up for a couple more month. There is a possibility that I can use my landlord’s internet connection to at least maintain that from time to time. But as for the rest of it, it just is not going to happen as I will have no phone, internet or cable come Jan 1. I am not going to put 40+ hours of my week into what I do with no return except for warm fuzzy feelings from the masses and have my family continue to go without as a result. Maybe sometime in the future the rest of it will be revived but until someone is willing to pay for it to happen, my answer will continue to be “it ends here.” I refuse to be a dancing monkey any longer and have people take advantage of the services I provide.

Happy holidays and have a good 2010.

I don’t know if people realize this or not but I am self-employed which is a huge YAY. I do not have to get dressed to go to work, I have complete creative freedom over what I do, and when I am going through a Lupus flare, I do not have to worry about losing a job because of my health. Being an independent contractor has a lot of bonuses for me. Especially during seasons such as these ones where my doctor has once again decided that I need to be in reverse quarantine and am not allowed to mingle with the general population in order for me to remain somewhat healthy.

This also comes at a huge drawback. If I lose even one contract, then I am completely screwed financially. And this is what happened a month ago and with no warning. It is a temporary loss due to funding restrictions and the contract will become active again sometime in the future, I just have no idea when. This has hurt my pocket book immensely. And I do not have the luxury to find a temporary “real” job outside of the house because of the severity of my Lupus. So this leaves me in a quandary. And because I really suck at pimping myself out, self-promoting and refuse to use “connections” like many have suggested to me, this leaves me with even less options that I feel comfortable with. Even so it bites me in the ass from time to time, I am not the type of person to do things I am not comfortable with, well that is until now. *sigh*

I have been working so hard on so many different projects lately and most of them are finally starting to pay off in one way or another. I wrote last month that I may be going away again but thanks to a generous offer from a friend, I was given a months reprieve. I was hoping in that time I would finally hear back from some potential sponsors of my Geeky Pleasures site and all would be good. Despite numerous emails asking for an update, I still have not heard back from the one I am most excited about and another one said not at this time but we will keep you in mind for the near future. Well shit that doesn’t really help.

Many friends have been telling me I should put a donate through Paypal button on my site. My reaction has been “I am not comfortable with that and I would feel guilty.” They come back at me with some variation of “But Geeky Pleasures needs to stay around. It can’t disappear. It just can’t.” Even so their sentiment is appreciated, I still get taken a back every time someone messages me or emails me telling me how much they appreciate and enjoy both my website and my radio show.

So because bills just don’t go away and I have two children to feed, I have given in. I have become affiliates with a few companies. This means that my Geeky Pleasures site (which I was hoping to keep ad free) is no longer ad free. From time to time I will posting deals from said companies because in return for placing their ads on my site, I get a commission from any sales. One of these companies is Tiger Direct. Also my affiliates page will be updated as more affiliates are added. Once a week, I will be posting their weekly deals and any other promotions that they send me. The two major drawbacks to this are: I worry I may lose readers over this and I do not get paid immediately for said sales. However, if you are looking to make a purchase for say hardware or software for you computer, games or other such things, I would greatly appreciate you check out my website and go through my affiliates if you are so inclined.

My book is also available for purchase. I posted that news on my Geeky Pleasures site but did not do so here. People have been purchasing it or they tell me they plan on doing so soon. This is awesome and I so appreciate it especially since partial proceeds will be donated to the B.C. Lupus Society where the money will be earmarked for Lupus research and treatment. However, just like the affiliates, I do not get paid for those sales immediately either. There is a hold back. And when I decided to finally finish this book, I never intended to make money from it. The purpose was to raise awareness, fundraising, to get a message out and to leave something for my children. If my only reason for it was to make money, I would have gone through a publisher like I was offered. However, I refused their offer because of the reasons mentioned and self-published which may have been a mistake as people are still leery of self-published books. If you are one of those who have already bought my book or plan to soon, my deepest thanks.

And now finally, I am now accepting donations on my Geeky Pleasures site. This decision was the hardest for me to make. However after strong urging from a few individuals and the need for an immediate solution, I am very reluctantly doing so. If I do not find an immediate solution, Geeky Pleasures will be pulled at the end of the month. And I personally feel this would be a shame. The biggest reasons why I think this would be a shame is because of the platform I am able to give independent artists and musicians. Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with me. Also, it has given a platform for other contributors to get their geek on and readers a little hub for many things geek related. I have had many inquiries lately from people asking me if they could contribute on my site and I really want to be able to give them that. I find it awesome people want to take part in it and that it is starting to become a little community. Without any real promotion or advertising of that site, I have had more page views in the first 3 months than Fark had in its first year. I personally feel this to be a huge accomplishment. When Fark started a decade ago, there was little competition. However in today’s world that is not the case. My site is but one in millions upon millions and the fact it is doing so well blows my mind on a daily basis. The feedback I get on a daily basis blows my mind. Every time someone contacts me for an interview through my site instead of through the station or wanting to contribute or just tells me how much they enjoy it and are happy that I am doing what I do, I honestly get a little teary and think “Wow, I cannot believe this is my life!” I just hope coming to this decision does not have the opposite affect and that I do not alienate my wonderful readers. That would really suck. But because bills just don’t go away and I need to fix this until a better, more permanent solution presents itself, it is time for me to “swallow my pride” as one reader put it to me and just do it.

I really hope you understand and thank you for your understanding if you do.

Kid2 is now doing the same with his friends. He is home sick from school this week and he just told me the most awesome story.

They have created a fantasy-type RPG for the entire neighbourhood. One of the basic rules is you do not get to pick your race. Your race is chosen for you depending on which street you live on. Another rule is once you are Level 1, you need to kill 5 people to level up. Once you reach Level 2, you need to kill 10 people, Level 3 = 15 kills, Level 4 = 20 kills, etc. Once you reach Level 80, your character becomes a guardian of the newbies. Your role becomes the protector of the n00bs from other races.

If you are a Human (this is Kids2′s race) the classes you can be are: Barbarian, Rogue, Wizard and Blade Master. Kid2 has two characters: Human Barbarian and Human Rogue. If you are a Gnome, the classes you can be are: Wizard, Warrior, Druid and Shaman. If you are a Dwarf, the classes you can be are: Miner, Healer, Paladin and Hunter. If you are an Elf, the classes you can be are: Druid, Hunter, Warrior, and Wizard. If you are an Orc, the classes you can be are: Hunter, Warrior, Blade Master and Barbarian. If you an Undead, the classes you can be are: Wizard, Rogue, Hunter and Blade Master. If you are Goblin, the classes you can be are: Rogue, Hunter, Blade Master and Shaman. If you are a Half Wolf /Half Human, the classes you can be are: Wizard, Warrior, Blade Master and Shaman. If you are a Troll, the classes you can be are: Shaman, Wizard, Warrior and Rogue. If you are Tauren, the classes you can be are: Hunter, Barbarian, Warrior and Shaman.

Depending on class, you start of with a specific weapon which the player fashions themself. An example is if you are a Barbarian, you start off with a club. Basic game play is that you start off with basic clothes and weapons. There are quests that each of the players makes up. You need to talk to the other players to find out how to proceed throughout the game and level up according to the rules laid out by that player in order to  finish your quest. The player also has the ability to free play and kill monsters to level up. You can join groups and guilds, create your own guild and explore the whole entire world (AKA neighbourhood even so Kid2 states that eventually he and his friends are going to map the entire world and assign races to each street) in order to create and develop your character.

They have not created character sheets for this. They do this on an honour system and trust that everyone is playing the game fairly.

I think it is just beyond cool that Kid2 has herded his friends together and has brought the love of gaming to the outdoors.

This week has been a very emotional week for me for many reasons. It has been a roller-coaster between many moments of surrealism and “Wow, I can’t believe this is my life” to moments of fear and panic as my book gets closer and closer to being ready to go to the printers.

One of my followers on twitter asked me why I am so terrified of publishing this book as I am on the radio, and tweet and blog personal things. The answer is really simple. The radio is a fleeting moment in time. Tweets and blogs can be erased. This book will be in a permanent print form available for the whole world to see.

And to be honest, this scares me. One on one, I am an open book and will share anything. This book is not one on one and once it goes to the printers and becomes available, I will lose control over how some very personal information about me is distributed. On one hand this excites me as I feel I have a very important message to share. Then when I really think about it, I feel as if I am going to vomit. There is a small part of me that feels I am about to do something pretty awesome. This may be the most important thing I do aside from being a mother. This part needs to be the loudest voice in my head at the moment so that I do not chicken out yet again and not publish.

But it is now beyond the point of no return. The word is out there and all that is left is for me to receive the cover and off it goes. Earlier today I received the sales copy for my book. When I read it, it brought tears to my eyes. I am going to take time right now to once again thank Chris Knight for all of his support as I go through this process. Without him, I do not think I would have found the personal courage to continue through this process. Besides providing emotional support he also proofread my manuscript and wrote the following sale copy.

“Julia Sherred’s From the Mundane to the Insane is the touching tale of one woman’s love of life and hope for the future despite overwhelming challenges. Written as a love letter to her two children in an intimate, conversational tone, Sherred explores the contours of her fascinating life as a dancer, actor, daughter, mother, and Lupus sufferer. It is a tender and humorous celebration of life and family, of creativity and geeky obsessions, and is an inspiration and invitation for each of us to grab life by the horns and truly enjoy every aspect of our wonderful journey without destination.