At least I know I am. I have way too many things I am looking forward to at the moment. One of the more exciting things is I will be going away twice in as many weeks. Both trips I get to geek out with fellow geeks. The first trip will be more one on one geeking. The second trip I get to geek out with a community of 50,000+ and see some of my more favourite well known geeks live in action. The most exciting thing is I am going away. It would not matter if it involved geeky things or not. I haven’t had any form of vacation in almost two long years. I didn’t realize how much I need to get away from my day to day until quite recently as my trips have now become topic of daily discussion.
I am such a homebody and find great comfort in my home and family. I never feel tied down to my family. My children are a daily source of fun and humour. Sure I do not get to go out often (at least not in the past two years), however this was a very conscious decision. I firmly believe that one parent should be at home. It does not matter if it is the mom or the dad. Children need someone to come home to after school. Children need to know that a parent is always going to be there, someone they can rely on. I personally feel that many of today’s problems with children is because the computer, gaming console, DVD and the t.v. have become the babysitters, and the number of latch-key kids is increasing. Long gone are the days of family meals. Long gone are the days of family game night. Now are the days when children are pencilled into a schedule like one pencils in a doctor’s appointment. Unfortunately for many families, one stay-at-home parent is not a viable option. I am so extremely fortunate to have this option. There was a trade off that I decided long ago made it all worth while. I will be a mom first. That is my primary job. And when the year I turn 40, my children will be turning 17 and 21. 40 is a great age. You are still young enough to really enjoy life and by then (in theory) you have enough wisdom to have the fun of your youth without making the mistakes we once made while having that fun.
However, I also need me time. Everyone needs me time. Self care is so important. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to effectively take care of those who rely on you. This important thing is something I forget to do way to often. I am so busy wearing a billionty-one hats that I lose sight of the me hat. And then I get a reminder (such as my up coming trips) of how depleted and how overstretched I have become. I would not give up any of my hats for the world. I just need to remind myself to put the me hat on more often and not give into stupid guilty or selfish feelings when I do so.
I use to be able to get away on a monthly basis. Then two years ago, certain family dynamics changed where my ability to go away a few days a month was no longer viable. The last trip I took, the last time I was away from my family here, was November of 2007. I went back East to Ontario to reunite with my dad, meet my two brothers I had not met yet (I had already met my one of them), meet my step-mom and visit friends I had not seen in a couple of years. It was a whirlwind of a trip and the most fun I had in a very long time. Aside from the family reunion, the following is one of my favourite stories from that trip. A little back story may be in order first.
I am a very quippy person. At times (read: most times), someone will say something, my brain instantly thinks of something quippy or cheeky to say and before I realize I am actually speaking it, it is spoken. Most of the time people understand that I am not being mean and that no harm is meant. There are times though (as I will soon illustrate) where this can get me into a lot of trouble. I entitle these stories “Only In The Life Of Jules”. They contain some language and some situations that could be rated PG13.
A couple weeks prior to my trip back East, I took a trip down to Seattle. As I was entering the States, the border guard asked me, “what is the purpose of your trip?” What immediatly popped into my head was, “to assassinate President Bush.” The word “to” came out of my mouth and my brain yelled at me, “SHUT UP! DO NOT SAY THAT! THEY WILL NOT FIND THE HUMOUR IN THAT YOU STUPID DUMBASS! BORDER PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE A SENSE OF HAHA” I panicked! All of a sudden I had no idea what to say. I had visions of me being hauled off by the FBI or CIA. Visions of the not good kind of cavity searches. Visions of being lost in transit. Visions of my passport being revoked.
So, I continued very hurriedly trying to erase the dumbass out of my brain only to become more dumbass, “To… to visit my boyfriend.” DOH! I do not have a boyfriend! WTF ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO YOURSELF JULES! ARE YOU MENTAL?!?! The border guard looks at me sideways as he inspects my passport currently in his clutches. The passport that he can decide to flag at any moment should I say something stupid. I think to myself, “Self! He knows! FUCK!” He asks the next standard question, “When was the last time you saw him?” Well crap!
The reality of the situation was that I was going down to Seattle to meet a business associate whom I had talked to many many times over the last year or so but had never met in person. He had invited me down to hang out, show me a section of Seattle life and watch him perform. Self decides to beat me repeadly upside the brain as I reply, “Never.” Self to me, “You are such a twit! THIS IS WHEN YOU LIE!” Me t0 self, “SELF, you know I am no good at lying! Look at where it has gotten me right now! I am sorry! He is talking me into a corner, stupid tricky border guard guy.”
Border guard looking even more suspiciously at me and holding my passport closer to his body, “If you’ve never met him before, how did you meet?” Well, screw! How on earth do I answer that question without looking like some crazy person (Self: too late for that Jules) or creating more suspicion. Feeling completely defeated and worried that the jig is up, “Through work?” WTF, why did you answer that as if it were a question? That should have been a statement! You are doooomed! Some guy named Bubba is now going to make you his bitch!
Border guard closes my passport and starts typing stuff on his computer. Well now I am done for! Looking up over his monitor, “Does he know you are coming?” Repeatedly bashing my head against an invisible wall and sighing internally, “Yes.” The border guard resumes typing and without looking up asks, “Do you have an address and phone number for him?” YES! Finally something I can answer without panic! I give the guard the info he is wanting and he continues to type away. Self, “You are going to be lucky if they let you in!” Me: “Shut up Self! You are not helping!” Still busy at his computer, “When are you leaving the States?” I give him the date. “How are you leaving the States?” I tell him by bus. “When are you going to arrange to leave the States?” I tell him the return trip has already been booked. “Let me see the ticket.” I pass him the ticket and think “FUCK! Now he has BOTH my passport and tickets into the States and out of the States! You are sooooooooooooo screwed!” Handing me back my tickets and passport but still eyeing me with suspicion, “Have a good trip to Seattle.”
Now you would think I would learn something from that. Not likely. On my way back into Canada, the Canadian border guard asked me as he held my passport in his clutches, “Did you have a good trip?” Thank bob
! An easy question! “Yes.” Canadian border guard, “What was your business in the States?” The first thing that popped into my head was “I was smuggling some of B.C.’s finest bud into Seattle.” The words “I was” start to spew forth from my mouth. Self, “Jules you are beyond hope! You deserve to become Bubba’s bitch!” Me, “But self, this is a Canadian. They have a sense of haha.” Self, “IT IS A BORDER GUARD! THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FIND THESE THINGS FUNNY!” Well shit! Panic sets in once more as I speak, “I was… visiting a friend.” My heart raced. My brain swarmed with even worse images than when I entered the states. Luckily, without further question beyond the normal do you have anything to declare stuff, the guard passes me back my passport and says, “Welcome back to Canada.”
Let’s fast forward now a week. I am in Ontario. It is my first full day there. I stayed the first night at one friend’s house. The plan for my first full day (which was the start of my first full weekend), was that two of my friends were going to travel up from the States (from Indianna and Illinois) for a weekend of dinners, karaoke and drinking. I woke up that morning way too early and without showering or dressing (beyond wearing sweat pants, tank top, hoodie, and ballet type dress shoes) proceeded to another friend’s house where a bunch of us out of towners were crashing for the weekend. My first day was suppose to be a day of complete laziness after my long journeys the day before. It was suppose to be a day to adjust to the time change and get much needed rest before the month of craziness started.
We are all just hanging and relaxing when we get the following phone call from my friend Claudio, “You need to come down to Flint, Michigan. They won’t let me into Canada because of my DUI. They will let Tim in but you need to come and get him.” FRACK! I do not have clothes with me! They are being dropped off later! I do not even have a coat! I am not prepared to go anywhere in public today. So the friend that is allowing her house to be the crash pad for the weekend hands me this black and white (almost a la Cruella DeVille) fur coat that goes down to my ankles and says, “Here, wear this.” What a sight I was. Make-up not done. Hair not done. Sweat pants, hoodie, tank top, ballet type dress shoes and a fur coat. At least I had my passport, cell phone and knapsack with my meds.
Now when I was packing for my trip, one of the questions I asked was if I would need winterish type clothes since well… where I live we really do not have winter so I do not have real winter clothes. I was told that I will be fine. It never snows in Ontario in November, let alone the first week of November. Self did not believe this but I trusted my friends on this as they live there and should know the weather. Well this was November 8 and guess what. As soon as we left Mississauga, it was white-out conditions all they way to Michigan! As soon as it started to snow, the fits of laughter between us began. Today was not how it was suppose to be.
So imagine how even more silly we got when the following comment came out of my friend Nicole’s mouth minutes away from crossing the border, “Um guys. I just realized I have some hash in my purse and a hash pipe.” That is not what you want to hear minutes before entering the States in the intent of “smuggling” a friend back into Canada right after he was denied entry. All I could do was laugh hysterically. It was either laugh at the absurdity or cry. So we started to plot all kinds of different ways to hide the unwanted and be able to find it later. We visited a gas station to see if there was a drop ceiling in the bathroom we could hide it in and return there later to get it. Nope.
We sat in the car in the parking lot trying to figure out wtf we are going to do! This is so not cool. Then we noticed a graveyard across the way. AHA! We drove to the graveyard and found a plot way off in the back. We hid the unmetionables, took a picture of the grave so we would remember where it was put, thought of a story to tell any patrol people who may bother us in the middle of the night when we would return to pick it up and continues our journey into the States, now completely lost in fits of laughter. As we approached the border, I reminded everyone we need to calm down. I told them the story of my last adventure into the States and said if we are not cool, we are doomed. And whatever you do, DO NOT let me speak. We entered the States without incidence. WHEW!
We hung out in Flint for a few hours. We laughed. We ate. We told the story of our trip. We had a good time. And even so my friend Tim was coming back with us, I was very sad that my friend Claudio was being left behind. Now having a good time and having lots of laugh is normally a good thing, right? Well it is a good thing until you try and re-enter the country.
Everything was cool for the most part. They took a little extra longer checking our IDs as this was Tim’s second attempt to enter Canada in 24 hours. We were beyond punch drunk at this moment. Then the following question was asked, “Do you have any fruits, vegetables or meats to declare?” My friend Nicole points to my chest and said, “She has a couple of dried up prunes.” Then she grabs her breasts and said, “I have a couple of melons.” And then I proceeded to point to my friend Preston’s crotch and say, “And he has a banana in his pocket. He isn’t just happy to see you.” Border guard, “Please pull your vehicle over there so that we can inspect it.” DOH!
We pull the vehicle into the inspection area and are told to leave all of our belonging in the vehicle and proceed into that building. We cannot stop laughing and we really need to stop laughing. Our freedom is dependent on our ability to not laugh any longer. Well it is really hard not to continue laughing when we all realize what I am wearing and that we are now having to stand in a public place while being subjected to a trillionty-one questions. They watched us like hawks. They would not allow us to wonder off anywhere together. After an eternity of questions (was probably more like an hour) they handed us all back our IDs and told us we were allowed to come back into Canada. When we returned to the vehicle, my stuff was tossed every where. My med bottles were all over the back seat. My cell phone was open. Our cameras had been inspected! OMG there was incriminating photos! Hopefully they did not inspect our cameras too closely. They must not have because we are free! I had never been more happy to be allowed back into my country as I was at that moment. We drove back to the grave, took more pictures of us at the grave then headed back to Mississauga. It was the best first day of a trip ever! Epic even.
I just hope that when I enter the States again in 27 days that I do not get stupid over the excitement of the trip and proceed to once again insert foot in mouth.
julia sherred
