I am a ball of nerves like I have never been before. You may think it crazy but it is what it is.
When I awoke this morning, I was greeted with an email regarding Love Simple, an independent film that deals with lupus. Starting on Monday, partial proceeds will be going to S.L.E. Lupus Foundation (in New York, in Los Angeles). I think it is really apparent by now, lupus awareness, treatment and research causes are near and dear to me. Also in this email was a request for me to interview actress Patrizia Hernandez. She plays the main female character, Seta, who has lupus. Of course, I said I would love the opportunity.
I think some may be perplexed about this decision, because at this moment in time I have stopped doing interviews and have put a lot of them on the back-burner until certain circumstances change. I have had many interview requests and I have turned them down. And for others it will make complete sense because of the subject matter. I have made it one of my personal life goals to do anything and every thing I am capable of to bring greater awareness to this very mysterious disease.
But this opportunity is bitter-sweet. The main character’s situation greatly mimics my own. This interview hits very close to home and is very personal. I am very nervous. You would think that after interviewing for as long as I have and considering the people I have interviewed, it wouldn’t be an issue. But this interview will probably be one of the most important and most difficult interviews I will ever do.
I need to approach this interview in a way that I have not had to deal with others. I am afraid in order to cope that I may become detached and emotionless while I do it so that I do not do something stupid like cry. Every time I have talked about this in some public way, whether it be on the phone with the BC Lupus Society, when I was interviewed over on Too Much Awesome or when I did my personal lupus podcast, I cried. But I cannot detach myself from this. It would be a huge disservice to every one involved if I did. It needs to be real. It needs to be honest and open.
I have never been as nervous as I am right at this moment. I have had my fair share of nerve-wracking experiences, but this one takes the cake. I feel a responsibility with this interview that I have not felt with the others. The others were for fun and for shits and giggles. There was no motive behind it other than geeking out with fellow geeks. This interview is very purposeful and meaningful. This is different.
When I was speaking today with one of the people involved in helping to organize this, he said, “Patrizia looks forward to speaking with you, and we appreciate your interest. Your site looks terrific by the way, so we’re honored to be a part!” Like that doesn’t add a bunch of other nerves. I am very happy and honoured they asked me to do this. There are no words to describe exactly what it means to me to be able to use my voice and bring awareness to this, what it means that I have been sought out to use my voice for this. I am humbled and touched.
I just hope I don’t become a mess while I do it. I also hope, despite the bitter-sweet nature of this opportunity, that more happen to come my way.
The interview will be available for download on Geeky Pleasures (hopefully) on Monday, June 14, 2010.